My Facebook Defaced

Think I'm getting sick of Facebook.
I saw the utility of it pretty quickly. Reconnected with all sorts of folks from high school and different times in my life. It gave me an odd daily link with them. Now, though, I'm feeling bombarded with odd and frequently annoying twitter-esque snippets. And I have zero desire to twitter or be twittered at/to/about, etc. And some of these folks with whom I've reconnected... does Facebook count as reconnecting...as well as some who are acquaintances on the margins of my life are saying things that personally and politically make me think that they that they aren't the sorts of people I want in my life.
Do I de-friend them? Do I ignore them? Is there a new, odd social protocol here?
What I don't want is to get in pointless, time consuming e-arguments with people I may never see again and whose opinions don't really matter to me other than to make me sad at the steady flow of ignorance, snarkiness, and judgmentalism.

The Weather Is Hot...and So Are the Nats

Thanks God. Finally, after suffering through the most brutal season as a baseball fan that I've ever suffered through, the Nationals are rewarding our dogged perseverance. We're winning.
I slogged out to Nats Park yesterday in the blazing heat. I was en fuego but, thanksfully, so were the Nats. Love Dunn, love Zimm, love Wills, but...I LOVE Nyjer Morgan! He is a cool drink of water in center field after 4 1/2 seasons of wincing every time a ball was hit out there. And what a sparkplug as a leadoff hitter! Watching him discombobulate pitchers when he's on base is a joy.
So, here's to the Nats, a joke no more. Please excuse this momentary delusion. The heat's left me giddy.

My two cents worth on this Obama as the Joker Socialism poster. This is good propaganda. Someone's going to write a dissertation or fifty on this.
Don't get me wrong. The sentiment behind it is 180 degrees off my political bent, but I'll take such cleverness 100 times out of 100 over the self-promoting, ego-centric, race-baiting tripe served up 24-7 by idiots like Rush, Sean, and Bill. Those guys care more about enriching themselves than the half-truths and outright lies they're pushing. The creator of this poster, at least, is thus far anonymous and has crafted a piece of propaganda that invites some thoughtful deconstruction.

Depressed and Not Depressed

Yesterday, I was depressed. Today, after a decent night's sleep and no alcohol last night, a positive outlook. I knew that today is going to be a long one, so I planned this. Day of work followed by an evening of doing therapy at the DC campus of an out of state university.
My mood. When I'm depressed, everything is so bleak, so unchangeable. Today, though, relatively positive. What would it be like if I felt like this all the time. What could I accomplish? What could I be?
And, listening to music today. "When It Comes To Love" by Fleetwood Mac. From the non-Lindsey phase and, love Lindsey like I do, a great, hooky song. I'd love to hear Lindsey do a version of it himself.
Even my digressions are positive today.
Should I consider medication? I couldn't take, though, an effect on my sexual drive. I've just recovered a good sex life. And I LIKE it. Alcohol? I've reduced my drinking pretty mightily.
And is it depression, anxiety, a personality disorder in me. All of the above maybe? Let me leave it for today. For now, at least, I'd like to bask in the positives of today's mood...

Being kind to myself.

Being kind to myself.
Not something that comes naturally. My default is worry. What I'm not doing right. What's wrong with me. How my life, myself, my thoughts aren't normal.
Being kind to myself.
This thought process. At work. Phoning it in. Going through the otions. What all I'm not doing for each of my clients. What someone else in my job would be doing better, more helpfully, for my clients.
I'm wasting my life. So much time on sex sites. Looking for what? How many hours, days, weeks, months of my life have I wasted hunting through gay.com or manhunt? And searching for what? I don't know.
Be kind to myself. I don't know how. This voice in my mind tells me that I was mistreated, abused, growing up. Forced to look outward, look outward, look outward, look outward, look outward. Never learning how to build an internal life. My default position is looking to others for their responses to tell me how to feel about myself. That's the lesson that life with my mother taught me over and over and over and over and over. Look outside. Cataclysm could occur any moment. Be alert, be ready. Never relax. Never relax. Never relax. Never be caught unaware.
And I look outward. ALL THE TIME. And I'm so tired. I look outward because I'm trained to. But I resent it.
If I'm being kind to myself, is it okay to ask if I can take the rest of my life off? I've been looking outward for so long. Now, half the time, I phone it in because even half my consciousness is enough to see what's coming. What if I let it all go? Dumb rhetorical question because I never could. I can't turn it off. Can I learn to relax a little?